Dear Newsweek Magazine

Dear Newsweek Magazine,

I’m enclosing the notice you recently sent me entitled “Last Chance to Renew Your Subscription.” Just for the fun of it, I’m also enclosing several other notices you’ve sent, like “This May Be Your Last Chance to Renew…” and “This is Definitely Your Last Chance to Renew…” and “Absolutely the Last Time We’re Going to Ask…” and, my favorite, “Frankly, We’re Puzzled Why You Haven’t Responded to Our Previous…”

I don’t know if it’ll do any good, but I’m also enclosing my own personal paperback copy of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” by Wolfgang Magazinus.

Most importantly, I anxiously await next week’s mail to see what the next notice says. To be honest, these things are even better than the articles in your magazine.

Sincerely,

Tom Rizzo

P.S. This is absolutely the last time I’m going to write to you.